By “breakdown” I mean a constellation of internal and external events. The experiencer—and sometimes close witnesses—become aware of at least three co-occurring phenomena. First there is a dramatic (meaning very obvious) shift of energy heralding a shift from the outer world to the inner world. Sleepiness, sleeplessness, melancholia, manic excitement, tearfulness, exuberance, sustained irritation, any of these may be examples of this noticeable energy change, the key is that is a shift from before. Second there is often a mental preoccupation of some kind. This could be more general (death, world peace, personal liberation) or more specific (a sense that one has chosen the wrong career path or a conviction that a certain person or relationship is toxic or for some other reason needs to change). Finally there can be an intense and unusual communication of this energy shift and mental preoccupation. The communication is not necessarily comprehensible to everyone and can occur in many forms including withdrawal (becoming very isolative or feeling alone a lot), unconscious artistic representational communication (for example kitchen items strewn about the bedroom to indicate feeling confused), verbal communication (for example telling all the neighbors that one is leaving town forever), or some kind of self-harm behavior (could be a refusal to attended a much sought interview or something as striking as a suicide attempt). These constellation of phenomenon can be occurring at a very intense level—enough for a doctor to call it a name such as depression or bipolar disorder—or at less intense level to the extent of saying “I really am not myself” or “I really lost it the other night”. They can also occur more persistently at a lower level of intensity: for example a whole year or six months of feeling like “things are not quite right”.
Inwardly the unconscious is bubbling up like primordial soup. Relegated too long to the realm of dreams or pushed down due to social sanctions or rules, the unconscious cannot be held back during a breakdown. Previously suppressed thoughts or emotions burst forth with the ferocity of un-dammed waters. The individual is overwhelmed by material that was once neatly organized or tightly compartmentalized. The unconsciousness-in-spate includes personal material—the lost loved one that was not fully mourned, the turns in the road that were not properly acknowledged, the dreams that were cast aside because some other duty called the dreamer—and may also include elements of social and community material such as political struggles, celebrity lives and concerns of global war and peace. Massive efforts might be made to keep this material under control (e.g. a struggle not to think about a loved one who passed away) but these efforts generally feel futile.
As they are meant to be. Being in the throes of a breakdown means being overwhelmed by one’s inner world. It means one’s outer life cannot go on as it once has because the inner life is demanding more attention. My belief is that there is deep value in giving the inner life the attention it needs. This may mean making arrangements to forgo all external tasks for a period of time (whether a day or a week or more as necessary and feasible) and staying in a safe setting where one can meditate, dream and write or paint about the material that is coming up from inside. Or it may mean entering a longer term psychotherapy which allows “pockets” of time once or more times a week to drop the external world for an hour or so and along with a supportive therapist conjunctly attend to the sounds and stimuli of the inner world. Whether one chooses a more or less intensive retreat depends both on the person’s material situation and the intensity of the inner material that is coming up. Sometimes the intensity of what the medical doctors call “symptoms” may be a good guide to the level of attention that is needed by the inner world. Any work in the inner world will of course affect and ripple into the outer world, ultimately I believe creating the conditions for a fuller life.
One of my mentors, Dr. Yung-hi France described the process of a breakdown as “the suffering of a soul which has not discovered his meaning”. Although it may appear at times irresponsible, confused or fragmented, I think a well attended to breakdown is a muck-encrusted journey to numerous treasures. It is not my intention of course, to suggest that when we totally lose it that the results are pretty. Completely loosing track of ourselves always involves considerable suffering. In addition, relationships are often adversely affected by an individual’s retreat into an inner world so the suffering ripples out from individual to the people around him or her.
Yet relationships are equally affected when the inner world is neglected. How many times have we heard of someone complaining that his or her lover, father or friend has been checked out, tuned off or working like a zombie for years?
Breakdowns are beautiful as symbols of a search for meaning amidst a sense of meaningless. I believe, as it has been said before by the poets, that the search for meaning is perhaps the most vital and pressing demand of the human experience. I’ll say more about this in another post, but I think human striving towards meaning is as poignant as the lightly falling, sometimes torrential afternoon monsoon rain.
No comments:
Post a Comment